Updated: Feb 29, 2020
By Barbra Gilman
One day I was walking down the street while visiting a lovely town upstate, and noticed a woman walking toward me wearing pajamas and fuzzy slippers. In the middle of the day!
WTF? She’s wearing slippers and pjs in the street? As soon as that thought came into my head, my hand flew to my mouth. OMG, I’m judging!
I had recently begun a practice of watching out for judgment and noticing where I was making myself and others wrong. And I was making this woman very wrong. I remembered the tool I had just learned, called “Interesting Point of View” or IPOV.
Isn’t this an interesting point of view, that I’m judging her for wearing this in the street? I shifted that "judgey" energy right away. Actually, she looks very comfortable—maybe I’ll try wearing my PJs outside!
That very same week, I visited someone’s home. I walked into the living room, now in my “fabulous designer” role, and thought, “What an ugly room!” OMG! I’m doing it again!
I used my IPOV tool: Hmm, such an interesting point of view that I think everyone’s house should be photo-ready for Architectural Digest!
When you function from this IPOV space, which, by the way, is called allowance, you’re no longer living in the energy of judgment. You’re living in the energy of consciousness.
Consciousness is simply receiving everything with no point of view.
As you can see from my examples, it takes staying aware of yourself! And more than that, it takes the willingness to be wrong.
I know, I know, who wants to be wrong? Right? How often are you afraid to be wrong? To look wrong, say the wrong thing, live in the wrong neighborhood, etc.
I want to give you another tool. Here’s an amazing question you can ask the universe that will help you be willing to have no point of view about being wrong (and it’s a question that can set you FREE!)
What would it take for me to be as wrong and stupid as I can be?
Everything is possible when you’re not afraid of being wrong. I promise.
I can’t say it enough: The fear of being wrong literally controls you and limits what could be possible in your life. Because in every moment and in every nanosecond that you’re afraid of being wrong, you have to judge where you’re going, who you’re with, what you look like, how much you weigh, etc., to continually make sure you’re right. Talk about working hard! OMG.
It’s like a dog is biting your tush and won’t let go. You can’t have fun. If your friends are going to out dancing, you won’t go because you feel fat and can’t find anything to wear and think people will judge you. The mixture here is a lie, a projection, an invention and a conclusion that all adds up to your decision not to go—and you miss out on what could’ve been a fun time with your friends. Ouch!
The fear of being wrong is the #1 immobilizer of humanity and keeps us stuck in the lie.
Next time you find yourself judging yourself or others or worrying about showing up “wrong,” remember these two tools: “Interesting Point of View” and “What would it take for me to be as wrong and stupid as I could be?”
If there’s no such thing as wrong and, therefore, you couldn’t be wrong, what could be possible? Well, here’s the worst-case scenario: You might simply be mistaken for a few moments and that’s okay—and then you could actually choose to be happy!
You, like all of us, have spent a lifetime believing that it’s horrible, fearful, awful to be wrong, so you never allow yourself to see the gift that’s available.
Here’s a bonus tool: When you’re in one of those moments of feeling the wrongness, that’s when you ask yourself: “What’s RIGHT about this I’m not getting?” You will receive the awareness of the gift you’re receiving that will actually expand your possibilities and your world in this moment. And that creates the change you were looking for the whole time.
How cool would that be?
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Barbra Gilman is a coach, seeker of consciousness, Jewish mother, and 5-year-old playful child/warrior princess. The author of Whatever The F*CK It Takes, she teaches and coaches in New York City, working with men and women ready to let go of the lie they’ve bought about who they are "supposed” to be—and introduces them to consciousness and their own extraordinariness in a whole new way.